As I've already mentioned in my previous post, I've decided to move schools. Of course, going to high school (i.e. a school with only grades 10, 11 and 12) where nobody knows anybody else calls for induction days, meeting people and the like.

The first of these such induction days were held just a couple of weeks ago, at the University of Queensland. It was here where my friend and I met an uber, uber cool boy by the name of Richard*, otherwise affectionately and reluctantly known as DICK :). Upon leaving however, we both forgot to ask him for any contact details of any kind.

Last night before retiring to bed, I thought it would be amusing if I could, by chance, just so happen to be able to guess his school email address. So, in a vain attempt to find him on the internet, I typed an email addressed to tompkinsr@fscc.qld.edu.au* (and variations upon) which read the following:

P.S.: This is a pre-script. I bet you’ve never seen one of these before! (Yay! For the extent of my creativity!) In case you’re wondering, yeah, I did put “pre-script” in italics so it were as if I were explaining a new concept slowly and incomprehensibly to a baby.

P.P.S.: (This is a post-pre-script) Yes, that was my actual pre-script message, although, I’ve bet you’ve never seen a post-pre-script before, have you?

Heyaa Richard!

I have big, big doubts as to whether or not you’ll actually receive this email, but I thought ‘cause I was bored and sleepy I’d just take a stab at making up the most probable school email addresses I could think of. (Although, according to my ‘Check Names’ function in my Microsoft Outlook, all four of the address that I’ve tried are all very quite feasible. [And yes, I do realise that it also seems to think that keyboard mashing addresses exist too but *sigh* - I doubt you’ll get this anyway])

Oh right! You probably don’t know who I am.

It’s Vivien… You know, the one who was at the QASMT Induction Day? Yeah I was with that girl, Charmaine.

“Ring any bells? Jimmy Page, Robert Plant?” (haha, excuse my School of Rock reference there)

Lol, I also apologise for increasing the size of our names. It’s not that I think you’re blind or anything *ahem*, it’s just I thought if they were bigger they’d be more… recognisable. Perhaps it was the size of font in which she and I both wrote on our names our name tags (eww - I used “our” and “name” twice each in four words) or maybe it’s just ‘cause I have way too many what-the-fuckery moments…

Oh well. Like I said, I doubt you’ll get this anyway.

Love from,
Vivien.

P.S.: The “what-the-fuckery moment” was an expression I took from a hero of mine, littleradge aka Liam from youtube (and other various sites, but mainly youtube). Perhaps you know him? Perhaps you don’t. He bares a somewhat shocking resemblance to David Tennant (but with a less broken-looking nose and much nicer skin, though) and coincidentally comes from Scotland. I say you should go, “check him out”. Anyway, please do not mistake that phrase for any creativity (or lack of, for that matter) that I may have, because, I HAVE NONE, AND I MUST SAY, I’M QUITE PROUD OF IT.

P.P.S.: I’m really sorry about all this rambling. I’m not sure whether you are an avid youtuber or not, so if I’ve gone on too long about stuff (yay! For ambiguity! [Although, I am actually referring to the “stuff” in my first post script, so it really isn’t very ambiguous at all]) that you already know about, SORRY.

P.P.P.S: I’m a profuse apologiser. Maybe you’ve noticed? I’m sorry for that too.

P.P.P.P.S.: The “check him out” phrase is also not mine. If you have not been living under a rock beneath my bed for the past 50 years, you may or may not have already realised this.

P.P.P.P.P.S.: Let me just say for any future references, the English language is just generally not a language which I created nor is it owned by myself. All this mumbo jumbo I’m speaking in is actually an [insert word for ‘optical’, but the audio version of it] illusion. Do not believe anything I say. All words, rather unfortunately, belong to “England”, a secret society of artificially intelligent androids otherwise known as “Oxford Dictionaries”.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S: May I also point out that the word ‘dictionaries’ contain the first three letters of your nick name, that of which I’ve Wikipedia-ed to figure out how it relates to your give name? Oh boy, isn’t my life exciting?

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.: Do you realise how incredibly UN-ERGERNOMICAL your last name is to type??! With only the first and last letters with the left hand, there are six letters in a row (ompkin [which is a pretty cool word, might I say. {I might even call you “Ompkin” from now on!}]) with your right hand!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.: Yay! For me being able to use all three brackets in a reasonably, grammatically correct sentence, regardless of how shit the content of that sentence may be.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.: Yay! For me probably breaking my friend’s record at writing post scripts!!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S: Yeah, next time, remind me that I shouldn’t dwell so long on emails that may or may not be sent.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.: Could you please tell me if I’ve made any errors (including grammar, spelling, punctuation, but excluding any profanities [although, do include grammatically incorrect profanities, like, when “bloody” is an adjective and I’ve used it before a verb or the like]) in my email? I seem to have OCD when it comes to editing voluntary pieces of writing, i.e. not anything school based. Drives me up the wall.

Unfortunately, despite my profuse, systematic typing of probably email address, they all failed to send because, apparently, STATE SCHOOLS DON'T HAVE INDIVIDUAL EMAIL ADDRESSES FOR THEIR STUDENTS.

Anyway, just thought I'd share.

Have a good day :),
Viiiiii.


*Richard, I'm sorry for mentioning your name! I apologise in advance if someone stalks and rapes you because of me :). In compesenation: my full name is Vivien Yuen. (pronounced like Ewin, but with a 'y' in front of it. Although, it probably wasn't originally said like that, 'cause it's asian. But I've been de-asian-ised, so it's okay. :) [bet you didn't know my ancestors were Native American, did you? What a mix!])

Labels: contact, email, fail, find, new, school

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