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Monday, August 31, 2009

The struggle.

I wake up. It's five am in the morning. All I can think about is getting nearer to school; I feel an actual need to be geographically closer to the people I admire and love.

However, having bedded at beyond midnight, my ever-enduring, life-destroying sleeping patterns disagree upon my happiness, insisting to wage an hour long battle to ensure that I remain motionless in my abode.

It's a pointless war though. I always win. I don't know why my body even bothers.

Sure enough, each morning, I rise, defiant against my body's wishes. I know that it only means well. I know that it knows best. I know it only wants what it needs, and I know that this will get the better of me one day.

For now, I have better things to do.

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Monday, August 24, 2009


Are we capable of comprehending what our eyes cannot see?

Other people's lives? What about the universe? Just the galaxy? How about earth, your country, or even your own city - perhaps another room in your house.

I don't think that the human mind is able to understand even the scope of comprehending beyond their immediate life.

To you, each vehicle you pass on the road home is "just another car".

It's so much more than that. Every person has their own story- their own reasons that got them on the road where they are at that particular point in time. They take the same route to a multitude of different destinations. Just like life and the people who are in it.

So, are we capable of comprehending what our eyes cannot see?

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Saturday, August 22, 2009

this year

I know it isn't the end of the year, but surprisingly, I am actually still capable of reflecting.

This year, I've learnt to realise that:
- crying and hugging is only human. physical expression is not weakness.
- knowledge and music is human.
- love and happiness is very human.

I've never been able to readily accept how humans were any better, or even different at the very most, to everything else on earth. I still don't know, but I think the things above say it all.

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Monday, August 17, 2009


Recently, I heard a song that managed to induce the most epic - 'epic', in the true sense of the word - feelings in me. I remember thinking at the time, I want to make my death make a difference. I want my life to matter. I don't know how it did so, but somehow, it invoked a strong sense of patriotism just waiting to burst from me.

For me, songs seemingly collect and store my memories and emotions. I don't particularly focus on the lyrics, or the melody, but more so on how the song makes me feel. I listen to different kinds of music as I go in and out of phases, but when I put my music library on shuffle, I can always remember my exact thoughts at that period in my life, and exactly how I felt about things.

I guess my this makes my iPod almost a massive memory/emotion data bank, but in the form of art.

I also once used my white board to draw a small picture of my last thought every night before sleeping for a month. I look back now, 6 months on, and I can recall the events and every associated thought and emotion of each day.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just a nostalgic kind of person who also has the capacity to love the present day.


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Saturday, August 15, 2009


It's been a while.
Right now, of about only 3 things I'm sure;

1. Peanut butter is the best thing in the universe.

2. People are pretty damn cool, except for the ones who aren't. Fortunately there aren't very many of them. Being happy just makes me feel overcome with a desire to love everybody and everything. I can honestly say that if I were to list the names of people I feel privileged to be around, it'd be every single person I know the name of - EXCEPT ONE.

It's just her air of superiority, despite being less of a person than everybody else. Trying her best to be slutty - dying her hair, kilograms of make-up on her face for nerd-school, flirting with as many teenage, hormone ravaged boys (err, -not- socially awkward boys either) as she possibly can, and shamelessly flaunting her body despite the blindingly obvious flaw in the fact that she's fat and fugly :@

Maybe not so much. But hey, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being hideous. It's just the strutting, the pouting; it drives me insane. Most larger people are absolutely beautiful, might I add, it's almost not fair. They are also some of the coolest, nicest people I know, but damnnnnnn, there doesn't seem to be a single, caring, humane cell in her body. She is so goddamn fake and pretentious. It literally astounds me. She wore fucking stilettos to school one day, because she "just felt like it" - actual quote. FFS.

Did I mention I go to a school with the words, "SCIENCE, MATHS AND TECHNOLOGY" in its goddamn name? I'm not too sure the boys mind at all.

3. There are somethings that I know I won't be able to comprehend and understand for a while, so I should stop wasting time pondering them, let alone try to put it into words for a god forsaken blog.

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Saturday, August 1, 2009


Walking is an amazing phenomenon. It is your most reliable form of transport.

Walking takes you places.

The simple act of continuously put one foot in front of the other; it takes seemingly no effort, so for how long can one walk? It seems no matter how far I get, I feel I can always go a little further.

If only I had this attitude towards everything else in life. Thank you, walking.

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i am

vivien, and i ask you to convince me of otherwise.

i'd like to be

a musician
a scientist
a thinker
a photographer
a time traveler
under the sea,
in an octopus' garden
in the shade.