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Sunday, June 28, 2009

my religion

My religion -
It doesn't have a name. It's a way of life.

- I don't pray to a god, asking him to do things for me - I will myself to do them.
- I don't go to a church every sunday to show devotion to organized belief - I eat, drink, sleep, and live with respect for my mortal vessel.
- I don't live my life according to ten inflexible, dictated commandments. I don't read a holy text to mirror my life against someone who may or may not have existed - I make rational decisions and judgements based on the that morals I learn and develop.

I am my own god.

I believe in myself, in my ideals, my morals, my thoughts and my actions.

Is it really that difficult to comprehend?

comment HERE.


Monday, June 22, 2009

perfection

For some reason, perfection always seems just out of my reach.

No matter how hard I try, I always seem to fall short of 100%. It may have been a careless mistake, a preparation error, nerves - but I don't think I've heard the words "full marks", or "straight A's" in highschool ever before.

Perfection is possible. I've seen it done, but why can't I?

comment HERE.


Thursday, June 18, 2009

life on mars

People often tell me how miraculously coincidental it is that life exists on earth, or that the chances of all the right conditions coming together to allow for life are massively tiny. They ask, "Do you have any idea of how much needed to come together for us to be having this conversation today?"

I think everyone's got it wrong.

Life exists because the conditions were right on earth; the conditions aren't coincedentally "just right" to accomadate for the existence of life.

To apply this concept to the question posed before, everything in the universe didn't happen to allow for myself and the other person to be having the conversation - we were having the conversation because everything else happened.

It's a difficult idea to get your head around at first - read slowly.. and twice.

Labels: , , ,

comment HERE.


Monday, June 15, 2009

wondering thoughts

In writing my previous post, I failed to remember the existance of the rest of the world.

I tend to do that. I like the feeling you get when thoughts consume you. I don't know where I go when it happens to me. For a short while, I don't see or hear anything that occurs before me, but when I come to back down to earth, I can't seem to remember what I saw in the stead of reality.

When I'm conscious of my wondering, I usually hear my thoughts in semi-cohesive, English words, but when I lose myself I just .. know the essence of what I'm thinking, although rather, as a second person understanding the first.

I wonder how long a thought takes.

I think Zac and Daniel are really really cool.

comment HERE.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

night life

I've done something incredibly stupid.

I really have. It may not sound like it to you, but the implications of my actions could be.. life changing, to say the least.

A long story short, I came home from a stressful day of winging exams I hadn't prepared for, and fell asleep on the couch. I expected to wake so that I could catch dinner, but it seems that even my subconscious is bent on missing deadlines. Basically I just slept all through the afternoon and evening and night, and woke at 1.00am. That was an hour ago; it's 2 now. Sad thing about this is, this is one of the rare times I slept for a full 8 hours, so there's no way I'm about to get back to sleep now. 

What I'm trying to say that this pretty fucked up sleeping pattern is opting for an entirely new lifestyle. 

It would mean that my day should generally start at midnight. I would eat, get myself cleaned and dressed in the first hour, then do my homework from 2-7 am before packing for school and catching the 7:24 bus to school, or an earlier one if I wanted to finish any extra work, although I really shouldn't need to as I would have been spending the previous 5 hours doing that exact thing. I'd sleep a couple of hours after I return home from school, and the cycle would begin again.

There are many 'Pro's to this lifestyle. It wouldn't allow for much procrastination - especially in the form of instant messaging as not many other people are awake at these hours, and also because generally you would be completing tasks on the morning that they're due. It sounds risky, but if I pull this off correctly and plan my time, I really should be finishing things days before. The cons to this lifestyle mainly involve being socially distant to the people in my home, and perhaps the people I talk to on msn... I don't know. Is it worth it? Also the time management would take some planning and getting used to, and if it failed, getting back into the rhythm of normal sleeping patterns would be hell.

But anyhow, I love the night time. There's just something about the infinite darkness that gives a sense of equality. The night is timeless. The clocks tell you otherwise, but there's nothing in the sky that believes them.

comment HERE.


Monday, June 1, 2009

second chances

Needless to say, there are countless instances in my life where I wish I could've just done simple things differently to completely change my life.

I constantly question myself with hypotheticals - "What if..", "If only.." 

There's a particular moment racing through my mind right now; I just wish I could go back and change that one thing. My life could be so different. 

If instead of leaving to wait for a bus.. if I just ran back.. and hugged them, called their name, anything, just not.. nothing at all, which just about sums up exactly what I did.

Maybe things would have been different. I don't know. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered. I just wish I knew. 

comment HERE.





i am

vivien, and i ask you to convince me of otherwise.

i'd like to be

a musician
a scientist
a thinker
a photographer
a time traveler
under the sea,
in an octopus' garden
in the shade.

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