I've come to realise that 'leaving' is the worst thing I have ever had to face in my life. Everything negative I have ever had to experience has had something to do with leaving; my parents leaving me with all their shit for months at a time, leaving relationships, even leaving instruments. leavingleavingleaving
It seems that all humans do is leave. We leave home to go to school or work, only to leave that at the end of the day too. We leave family when we grow up, we leave college for jobs, we leave jobs for other jobs. Life just seems to be an endless chain of LEAVING.
But the leaving that I tortures me most is when I have to leave Zac
everyday. Seriously, why bother? It cuts me up a little on the inside every time.
I have to say though, the only thing worse than leaving is 1 ply toilet paper. Whose idea was it? [edit; i'm not speaking from experience, okay?]
Jo and I are going to see harry potter again this weekend, and at a tiny, old movie theatre as well. I can't wait.
I feel terrible though, because we'll be having fun while Zac is off at a piano eisteddfod. Good luck - his AMus prowess is hot. (:
ps. we lost a baby tonight. goodbye, Z. i loved you. i'm genuinely upset.
To buy in Europe:
- An undefinded, 16th birthday present for Zachary
- Mac store merchandise for Ruslan
- Lamborghini souvenir for Joseph
- An Angela
- A single issue of Wired Science Magazine
- A vlogger
- Something Britain-related
Money is clearly the root of all evil.
I need to start blogging again. Screw being wise and insightful; let the sentimental posts begin.
Why do we have memories? Or rather, why do we need memories?
Quite recently, I found a letter I had received from someone who I had shared a wonderful relationship/learning experience with a few years back. Along with it, I found a letter that I written in return, but never had the courage to give, and a piece of paper filled with words and phrases I wrote to remember what I thought had made life so brilliant at the time.
We had an incredible falling out the year that we gave each other (or he gave me) these letters. Naturally, they were both filled with stubbornly, long-overdue apologies and, particularly in mine, a few words about the things that I loved about our friendship.
Reading the two letters of reconciliation flooded me with memories. Suddenly everything I saw reminded me of the special meanings attached to otherwise insignificant objects. The clothes I'd worn, the music we heard, the intellectual thoughts we shared - it all came back to me. I spent a good half of, maybe an entire hour reliving the two years, and I felt every emotion I'd felt before in less than a thousandth of the time.
Needless to say, it was quite overwhelming, but it was also unbelievably unnecessary. Neither he nor I are the same people we were back then, and I didn't want to temporarily and very childishly wish that things were they were several years ago. To me, time is simply a measure of change, and change cannot be undone - and Idon't want it to be undone. What a pointless exercise anyway.
Why do we have memories? They serve next to no purpose; we don't really need them. There's a reason memories have become memories, instead of the present. I honestly would rather that I didn't remember how great some of my friendships were, and how I lost them. If memories are for learning from, I'd prefer to remember the lesson and forget the experience from which it came.
Labels: experiences, human, memories, past
Lately, due to my lack of posting, I've come to realise that I use blogging primarily to note all the things wrong in the world.
People I love, who love me back, tend to temporarily put a blind fold to my flaw-seeking eyes, rendering my blog lifeless for a while - for example, Zacs.
I told this to a Zac, and his only response to this was something along the lines of 'Why don't you write about the triumphs in life?' At first, I was honestly taken aback by this seriously radical notion, and wondered why that thought had never crossed my mind before, but then I realised, the only triumphs in life are found when we haven't failed.
I already know that I'm quite a cynical and slightly pessimisstic person, so I'm not going to even attempt to take on his suggestion. Sorry dear - I love you still.
On Micheal Jackson: he is one of the greatest things to have ever graced the human race - us lucky bastards. Thank you for everything you've done for music, dance and the world in general :)
So an indefinite hiatus from here on. I won't refrain from posting if I have something worth writing about.