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Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Zachary is this really, really cool kid that I know. He is simply the most humble, honest, funny understanding, most genuine guy I know and he is just out there being generally the best human being on this entire planet. By some goddamned miracle that I quite wholly do not deserve, I am allowed to call him my best friend and much, much more*, yet here I am, being a seemingly ill-educated, ungrateful child of a low EQ when in fact I should be the luckiest girl in the world. Which I am.

So Zachary,

Lately I've been a real big jerk, and I just want to let you know, that I know this.

I'm sorry if I ever doubted myself, or more importantly of course, you. I know all the trouble I'm causing but I need you to know that, in a weird, cosmically-important-to-the-universe way, I need to.

I also know that, quite frankly, I have never really taken the time to appreciate or understand you, as you do so often for me, and I think that in your absence, this is a good opportunity for me to do so (however unpleasant the experience is). I have just been incredibly selfish thus far, and it is imperative that I seek solutions to said selfishness, for my wellbeing and yours. But probably, mostly mine - my conscience is a bitch.

Anyway, I hope that you continue to be awesome and continue not be deterred by my excessive use of the awesome word 'awesome', because, despite the gratuitous amount of awesome within yourself (and this blog post), the over-use of this word does not diminish the amount nor quality of the awesome of which I speak, so there.

I'm also sorry if you find this apology insincere - I can say from the bottom of my heart that it is, were it not so, I assure you that it would be boring.

*the word 'boyfriend' does not do it justice; it is a word used without thought and meaning much too often. I dedest it. No offence, Zac. Let's make a new one. It will be much more awesomer. It will rival the word "awesome" in sheer (obviously quantitative) awesomness.

comment HERE.

i am

vivien, and i ask you to convince me of otherwise.

i'd like to be

a musician
a scientist
a thinker
a photographer
a time traveler
under the sea,
in an octopus' garden
in the shade.