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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Big, Fat, Manic Life.

I think I'm hitting one of those mid-teen crisis...es?

Some people will probably be happy to hear that I'm not as happy as I thought I would be, but up yourrrrrrrrs, bitch.

Life is just one big, fat, manic Monday at the moment, and like the song, I'm wishing it was Sunday.

Everything is just suddenly dawning on me; I don't actually go to JPC anymore, and QASMT isn't a 3 year long science workshop.

I'm reaching a cross-road in my life where I have to decide to change myself to be liked by people I hate, or be happy being different. And yes, I'm beginning to realise that I think quite differently to most people of my age. And I'm beginning to realise that it's quite difficult for me to relate to most people of my age - either I grow down to the big, black pit that is raging hormones and popularity-seeking, or I waste my life waiting for someone to understand me.

I don't want to be popular or cool or even well-liked. All I want is a NICE friend, lol. There aren't enough nice people in the world. I want to find someone/group of people even relatively similar to myself. I miss wondering about the world with people, and I miss discovering things about ourselves. But I guess one of my problems is that I understand myself and other people a bit too much. Plus, I don't exactly physically look like a reject either. I just think like one, and a unique reject at that too... which would probably mean that I'd be rejected from the rejects as well.

Gahh. I don't know what to do.

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comment HERE.

i am

vivien, and i ask you to convince me of otherwise.

i'd like to be

a musician
a scientist
a thinker
a photographer
a time traveler
under the sea,
in an octopus' garden
in the shade.