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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

With or Without You.

Do any of you ever ponder about the people you thought you'd die without, yet you live your life everday as if they may as well never have existed? The people who were the reason you woke up each morning just to see at school. People whom you'd spend every waking moment thinking about them/something related to them.

To be honest though, there have been so many people who were the very centres of my world at different points in my life. I would've done a double take in disbelief at the very mention of the fact that I would not ever see them again by the time I reach 14. I constantly question myself as to how exactly I am living without their influence, when they were once the very composition of my living.

How am I doing it? Why is it that now, I get up for an entirely different group of people, and I don't give a damn that my old friends aren't going to be there when I get to school? What thoughts have now replaced those once centred around particular people? Is it my place to say that there may not ever be a group of people that I will know for the rest of my life, or, quite bluntly, that there will never be anyone I will not be able to live without?

I know this is relatively harsh and cold, but it's reality. No, I am not suggesting that I haven't appreciated my friendships enough, or that I regret the downfalls of some of my relationships - things are the way things are, and I'm happy with the way things are. We can say from day to day "Best Friends Forever" or "I love you", but we cannot mask the fact that one day, we may not be with the same people, and that we will live without them, so enjoy it while it lasts.

To quote Tim Minchin's song for the Comedy Gala, "If I didn't have you, I would probably have someone else."

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i am

vivien, and i ask you to convince me of otherwise.

i'd like to be

a musician
a scientist
a thinker
a photographer
a time traveler
under the sea,
in an octopus' garden
in the shade.

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